What defines me? POTD 1-8-07
In order to know me, one needs to know w
hat makes me tick. These are my two most favorite people in the world. My DS and DH...they are my world. I cannot tell you what a miracle my DS is.
What defines me you ask? Right now that would be hope and second chances.
Sometimes life takes turns we do not expect and in May 2005, this happened to my DH and I. I was 6 months pregnant with our little girl, Kendall Renae and everything was going perfectly. I felt great, had not gained a ton of weight, and had started getting her nursery in order, complete with pink decorations and all sorts of things people had given us.
I left work early May 17th for a routine appointment and ultrasound. My DH picked me up and we went to the clinic. Our doc was out of town, so we met with another doc part of the office. They got out the machine to detect the heartbeat which was always strong and had difficulty finding it. No big deal, she could have been curled up in a strange way. So...the PA continued to search and after a few minutes, decided to call in the doc. He still could not detect the heartbeat and at this point, we started to worry. They brought us into the ultrasound room and there our world fell apart. Kendall was gone...no heartbeat. WHAT? Complete and utter shock and disbelief. We tried so hard to keep it together...how could this be happening to us, what did we do, how did she die, are you sure?
They then told us we had to go to the hospital to deliver her since she was past the 20 week mark. You've got to be kidding me...20 hours later, I gave birth to our still daughter, weighing only over a pound. It is still a shock to me.
The next few months were a blur, full of tests and counseling sessions and tons of anger and grief. After realizing that there was nothing "wrong" with me, we tried to pick up the pieces of our life. Yea right-how do we pretend to do that anyway?
3 months after loosing Kendall, I had another shock. I was pregnant again! Talk about tons of emotions-fear, excitement, concern, desperation, worry...you name it, I had it.
To make a long story short, my DS is now 8.5 months old and thriving!
Please don't give up even when you desperately want to. You don't know what is around the corner and to me, it's hope.
10 comments:
Got me all teary!
He's so sweet, I'm sorry for your loss of your daughter.
I love the picture, the sweet conversion works perfectly.
They're a cute pair, no wonder they're your world.
I am sitting here trying to type through the tears. :(
Your story is so touching.
What a great picture and I see why they are your world!
I am sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. I really like how you took this picture. Very sweet. TFS your story and these two awsome people.
Oh wow, thanks for sharing your story! I honestly cannot imagine, I try but I know it's not even close to what you actualy feel. I constantly worried when I was pregnant, the 'what if' just drove me crazy. But worrying and it actually happening are completely different. You are so much stronger cause of this, and you have a wonderful son and husband to show for it!
Your story is amazing. Thanks for sharing that very difficult time in your life with us. I'm sorry for your loss. Your heart will never heal but time will lessen the pain. You have a beautiful family!
Beautiful story. A little hard to read at 9 months pregnant, but I'm so glad you were given a second chance and have such a beautiful little boy. Great picture of your dh and him.
Oh, I forgot to say that the B&W conversion is fantastic and I love the catchlights in your son's eyes.
I'm so sorry for your loss... :(
I love this picture of your son! The catchlights are great and the emotion your husband is showing him is wonderful! Keeper pic indeed!
oh you made me cry tonight. Beautiful story beautifully told. Thanks for sharing, and you're soo good to feel so blessed with that beautiful boy that you have. hugs to you
what a story. i sit here with tears in my eyes. thank you for sharing it.
beautiful work.
jen
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